Many mothers were once daughters who felt unseen, unappreciated, or emotionally neglected. When they become mothers, they may unconsciously try to heal those old wounds by giving more than is healthy, hoping to receive from their children what they never had.

When a woman’s identity becomes entirely tied to motherhood, her children sense the emotional dependence. Even if they cannot articulate it, they feel responsible for her happiness. Distance then becomes an unconscious way of saying, “I can’t carry this weight.”

Reflections and gentle guidance

Begin honoring your own worth without waiting for validation—even from your children.

• Allow yourself to set limits and express exhaustion or personal needs.
• Separate your child’s behavior from your value as a mother.
• Reflect on whether your emotional well-being depends solely on your children.
• Cultivate interests, relationships, and goals that exist beyond motherhood.
• If the pain feels overwhelming or unrelenting, seeking therapy is an act of courage and self-respect.

A child’s inability to value their mother as she hopes does not diminish the love she gave or her inherent worth. Often, it reflects inner struggles, unresolved wounds, and broader cultural forces beyond her control. Understanding this does not make the pain vanish—but it can release misplaced guilt and make room for something vital: learning to offer yourself the same compassion, respect, and tenderness you so freely gave to others.